my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
