Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Boobs speak an international language.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
