I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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