I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
