I think I just saw someone hide a body.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
