I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
