you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
