i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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