Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
