When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i believe in u and ur pee
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
