Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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