It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
