She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
