i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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