Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
