You work out of a Hotel?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
