Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Oh god it's open bar.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
