What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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