So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
