I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
