What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
