He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize