Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
