This house was built for laser tag.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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