Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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