Having a random hookup so left but love u
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
