she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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