the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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