A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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