halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
