I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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