Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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