she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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