I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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