he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize