When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
