I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize