i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
