I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize