everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
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