Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
