they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
