Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
