i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Randomize