My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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