she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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