i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize