I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
