I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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