The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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