Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
