I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
