i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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