i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
