I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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