Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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