Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
