Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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