i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
