I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
