i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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