I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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