Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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