She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
