so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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