Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
All I want is dick and wine.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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