he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
