so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
