You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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