i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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