i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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