i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
