I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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