I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
