return my video game
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Randomize
